The illusions of the realist.

I've always had a little trouble when it comes to sleep. I rarely 'dream' in the conventional sense... and i have always suffered form the internal tormentor that is my own mind. last night was a pretty bad night, Its never the content of my nightmares that is the source of my dread, i always have the firm understanding that I'm asleep... I'm old enough to know its all in my head... the problem is the way my body reacts to them... always to extremes; thrashing and pulse racing, it scares me that i can do that to myself... and moreover last night i managed to get my heart-rate up so high that my chest was physically hurting. and my heart beating felt like an animal turning in a cage of half its size. i can feel the sinew, bulging through my ribs and it scares the hell out of me. i never make a sound... i never yell out. its like my mind has lost all sense of communication with my body...

Not good.